Few things are as hard as actually practicing what you preach.
But when it comes to my own emotions, I still find myself holding back, searching for the right words, or regretting I spoke up altogether.
It adds up and adds up, until one night the tears start to flow and there seems to be no end to the stream. Preferably late in the evening after a day full of tension, when I’m all tired and wasted and I should really shut my mouth and go to sleep and have some rest.
It’s like pulling the plug out of the bath tub.
Crying For Relief?
For most people, showing their vulnerability and crying in the arms of a loved one is followed by a great sense of relief.
For me, it’s followed by feeling a lot more miserable than before and a day or two of recovery. Bags under eyes, strong cups of coffee and long walks in the park recovery. Crying doesn’t make me feel any better. Letting my emotions flow actually makes me feel worse.
When I’m in such a bad mood, one thought follows the other and I start to doubt pretty much every aspect of my life.
And I forget how grateful I am every day for being alive, healthy and around such loving people.
I just forget.
The Upside of Feeling Like Crap
When I feel happy, I have to consciously sit down and do my creative work. The days go by so fast that another week passes in the blink of an eye.
But when I’m in a bad mood – be it angry, sad, frustrated or all of them at the same time – I don’t have to force myself to create. I need that space to share my feelings, regardless of what triggered them.
When I suffer is when I create the most.
Maybe there’s truth in the myth of the suffering artist?
Do you create more when you’re in a bad mood? What’s it like to show your vulnerable side?